So on Facebook today, I put as my status:
'and I'm not lazy,' he said, the autodidact. {autodidact: the
self-taught man} fucking structured education. Learning for the sake of
knowing. Knowing for the sake of living. People fall into two groups
regarding life-- living and surviving. Surviving implying, of course,
that they are victims. I want to live inside outside upside down. It's
the only way I want to know how.
Let me explain.
I was talking to a friend. He hates educational institutions; I can't get away from them because I love them so. (There's a difference.) He's motivational, because he's disciplined. Something I need desperately to learn. I asked him how he's made it so far. He talked and said near the end "and I'm not lazy." BAM.
I was upset. But why?
He said nothing to attack me. He didn't even mention me. I took offense, because laziness is one of my flaws. I find myself to be terribly lazy. I find myself wanting the structure of school, of someone to push me to do something. I want others to hold me accountable more than I want to hold myself accountable.
Not with everything, mind you. Especially not with work (thank goodness). But I am, for the most part, lazy. I would rather complain than fix and I hate that I complain so much. Oh, what a nasty circle.
Anywhoo, I've been taking strides to better my mind and better my life and not be so lazy and to really fix myself up.
I think this kick really started when a different friend sent me
this video (opens in new window). That is Shawn Achor. He talks about happiness. We have this skewed idea that success===>happiness. It's the other way around. WATCH IT.
Then I started thinking about my own happiness and what that actually
means to me. Conveniently, at that time, I also was gearing up to go to NYC and Boston.
NYC
Stayed with a friend. Walked the Brooklyn Bridge. Saw a free night of one-act plays. Ate at Spotting Pig. Went to NJ. Walked around Central Park. It was delightful.
delightful. New York is beautiful and cultured and really a magical place to be.
 |
| Gabe and me on the Brooklyn Bridge. Beautiful Day. There's a building to the left of his face, looks like little boxes, I was obsessed with it. |
 |
| Chinatown. $2. |
|
|
 |
| View from the Winter Gardens. |
 |
| Central Park. |
 |
| I was obsessed with the tree behind me. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I also went to a few Apple stores (because I'm a nerd). But I really had a splendid time.
Boston
In Boston I was able to relax. I woke up, did crosswords, drank tea (tons of it!), talked my friends' ears off, socialized, really came back to myself. I gained perspective on a lot of things (and then lost it again in Charlotte, and then found it again). I came to love Boston. I hope to go to graduate school there. It feels...right, somehow.
Charleston
Did a 10k. w00t.
Back home
I knew I had to make changes in my life. I have to not be lazy. I have to be the only motivation for me. So here's the plan!
1. Go to as many parks on as many days as possible! I've always loved parks. As a youngin', my daddy would take me all over. I would swing and love it and play and just relax at parks. Then in high school, my neighborhood park became kind of a social hub for my friends. Don't know what to do? Go there. Talk. Be together. Parks and trails bring about a peace in me. Can't explain it. Need more of it in my life.
 |
| Saw this little guy on the trail the other day! |
2. Start dancing. or something. I keep talking about wanting to learn to dance so I'm just going to go do it! Even if I have to teach myself for a while and that mostly consist of hopping up and down in my house with the music on blast. I'm going to dance. I'm going to shake my tail feather (hah!).
3. Clean. I need to clean my house. I'm giving myself a list of chores to do every day or every night (depending on my work schedule). I need to do the dishes every night. vacuum 2x a week. laundry every night until i'm done. i'm going to get my home spotless. and that requires diligence.
4. Read
Intuitive Eating. My best friend told me to, because it would help me, and I haven't yet. So I'm gonna. No excuses.
5. Sew! I found some really cute patterns for a sundress and skirt and cute fabric, so I'm gonna make myself some clothes. (I got 2x more fabric than I needed, so if anyone has requests, I'm taking them!)
 |
| For the skirt. It'll have slight pleats and a sash! |
 |
| For the sundress. Oh la la! |
6. Remember that I
do have friends. and family. I have people I can go to when I need help. I'm not alone.
7. Stop being lazy. Simple as that.
