Okay, so since I've graduated school and haven't been hired anywhere, I'm basically stuck with limited places to go and people to meet. I'm also trying to figure out my sources of entertainment. i know I like to stay at home and relax. But that's not always practical, you know? I need to start forcing myself out of the house and meet people, because whether I like it or not, I'm in a catch 22. I am so tired of being lonely but I'm not doing anything to make myself less lonely. Well, kind of.
Place to meet people #1:
The gym. I've been going to the gym as per doctor's urge. I need to lose fat and be healthy, and what better place than the gym? It's actually the Y. I'm so lucky to have such a big and welcoming Y near my house. The weird thing is that every day someone talks to me. I'm so used to being in the corner and slipping in and out. Not the case! Someone new talks to me each time I'm there. I'm becoming a regular. I wave to people. I talk to people. Those who know me know that I can talk, but I don't feel comfortable talking with complete strangers... or so I've led myself to believe. I like talking to people. It's really fun! so that's a good place to meet people. (and it motivates me to continue going)
Place to meet people #2:
The club. Alright, so this one's a bit hazy. Technically, it's a place to meet people. In reality, it's a place to get wasted, dance with people, become deaf, and torture your feet. I do not like to go clubbing. I went because the last time I went clubbing I was 18, and I wanted to know if the experience is different over 21. It's not. I just cannot stand all that... lack of respect? I didn't respect myself to get dolled up (which I actually don't mind) just to dance with people and drink and NOT TALK. I'm sorry, conversation is essential to my meeting-people night-enjoyment plan. So that's something I learned about myself and I hope never to make that mistake again.
While we're on the why-I'm-meeting-people-catch-22-thing, I think I should digress to a talk about depression. Depression is serious. It's an actual disorder which, if untreated, can significantly harm someone or others. I think in the US there's this notion that those depressed need to "just stop being sad."
1. depression is linked with hormones in the body. if the hormones are not working properly, then depression can become even more severe.
2. depression has a documented correlation with genes. some people are simply more likely to be depressed.
3. depression manifests itself in different ways in different people. Some sleep all the time; some sleep only a few hours a night. depression has "typical" symptoms, but they still vary! just like the reasons and solutions for depression in people.
4. depression hinders hope. at least in me, it does. I cannot just simply decide to "stop being sad." Depression isn't sadness. I can be a happy depressed person (and I am, lately, most of the time). Depression saps the motivation and drive out of me. On a logical scale, I understand how to make myself happier. But on an energy scale, on a lifestyle incorporation scale, I have to convince myself and then force myself to do something I don't want to do even if I may need to do it. Sometimes I don't even have enough energy to correct someone or open my mouth to talk about a subject I'm passionate about (and as I mentioned above, I love to talk).
5. depression does not mean that I am less intelligent, less able to perform tasks, or less adept at accepting bad news.
6. you do not have to remind me that i'm depressed. i know i am. you also don't have to tiptoe around the subject. that doesn't mean every time you see me you ask, "how's your depression?" and i definitely don't want someone to ask "so what you depressed about?" (the answer: i don't know. it's not one or a list of things).
7. please, please do not criticize me (or anyone) for using medicine to help. For those interested, I resisted medicine for 2.5 years because I am so hesitant to use any kind of medicine. Then I broke down, contacted someone, and now I'm using medicine to help. I'm also using other methods, such as the lifelong-habit of exercise, self pep-talks, and eastern medicine practices. I understand concern and letting me know possible complications from using medicine, but please don't tell me that I'm wrong or weak for doing so. I know my relationship with my depression better than you.
Do feel free to question me about it. I'm pretty honest about these things. I love talking, after all.
<3 b
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